I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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