I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
