My liver just broke up with me...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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