after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
