i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
