I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
