I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
