I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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