So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
