Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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