When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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