On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I enjoy the company of your penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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