If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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