I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
