sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
