I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My pussy is not your playground.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
