Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
