you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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