I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
