god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
