i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
