You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
