Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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