My room smells like vodka and shame
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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