I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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