I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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