There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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