Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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