i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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