oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
