pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
