I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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