I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
