this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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