Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
