that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
