I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
