I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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