i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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