Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
