I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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