some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
