My Higher Power is John Stamos
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
