also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
