no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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