How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
