It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
