i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Couch. On fire.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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