You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
