I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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