life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
