he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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