Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
