Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
