i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
